life...

so, for the last  few years, ive been depressed... trying to figure out my way through life, and it is not easy! ive been hurt, by someone i loved and trusted.. i have had to quit my job of 5 years, and now i dont know what to do! i have pain everyday, i want more time with my family, but i dont drive so... its hard to get around to see them! i miss my mom... i miss how my life used to be, im not too sure why... i feel so out of my element and its like im shrinking! why are people soo bitchy... why are people so selfish? why can i not figure out what it is i am missing in life? i just want to move far away from here... far far away!

whats this world coming to?

I'm not sure if anyone can really answer the question that I'm asking... but what is this world coming to? people are becoming scared to walk down the street, or to take a bus... people are scared to help other people when they are in trouble for fear of getting hurt or killed themselves! the death of Jamie Kehoe hit me hard for some reason! what a sad loss in our world... here's a guy who will stand up and do the right thing and gets the worst imaginable outcome... i feel for his family and friends and i hope something good comes out of this at least... i heard again this morning that a baby was found in the river... WHAT!!! who would do that to a baby?? my heart breaks and as our world grows, mine grows smaller... how can someone take another persons life? it blows my mind! i hope whoever it is that killed JAMIE KEHOE gets whats coming to him and the girl that was with him, if she doesn't turn up and say anything.... she'll get hers I'm sure! karma has a funny way of working out and it will get you in the end! so this blog is just to show my concern for the state of our world and to show my great appreciation for people like Jamie Kehoe!! RIP

thanks for nothin...

it makes me mad when people who have been forgiven for serious mistakes made, cant forgive people themselves... or when people say they wont do something and then they go and do it! im not apologizing anymore, something that was supposed to make me happy, and it ended up just all thrown back in my face! im gonna live for me, concentrate on me... why am i trying to make people happy!? im not even happy...

birthday?

this is me, 27 years old... in less than a month i will be 28 years old! i have to say i am a little excited!! i like growing older, wiser.. happier! i learn new things about myself all the time, and i have been off work for a while so i have had a lot of time to be with myself!! now it seems like every time i have a birthday i look back on my childhood birthdays, at stardust... my house playing in the back yard... surrounded by family and friends, the way it should be! i do accept growing older but i am scared of whats to come... what if this... what if that... to see where i go and what i do and what decisions i will run into along my way, my way to growing older.. AND wiser! i feel like everyone should just thank their lucky stars they are alive and healthy and enjoying life and the ones they love! i know im trying to! another year older, another year wiser, just another year... no way!! its gonna be THE BEST year!! my biggest worry for this birthday is only should i eat cake or not!

so for the past few days i have been thinking more and more about family and friends... the ones i never get to see or never talk to! i always think about the "good old days" and the people i was surrounded by back then! i walk through life and i feel lost, no connection to anyone... there are few people who know me really well... and i would never trade those people for anything but, i miss the friends i used to know! i sometimes wonder what they are doing and what they are up to! i have a few of them on fb so its a little easier to see what they are up to now.. i shouldn't say easier because its really not that hard to pick up a phone, especially since my blackberry is constantly in my hands! my wish for now is that i can reconnect with some people i miss... and for those i cant be reconnected with, i miss you!!!

~Sunny Days~

today was a great day! we chilled all day... we sat in the sun, played with the hose, the kids had a water fight! it all brought me back to the day when i was young and carefree and playing outside until the sun went down! i used to love being outside, i used to be friends with all my neighbors... we all took turns playing in each others yards, what games to play and what have you! just the feeling of the sun hugging your body all over feels so good! i got burnt of coarse, I'm so fair skinned! eventually it will turn into a nice tan and look great, hopefully not blotchy (lol) today reminded me to be with the ones you love and have fun with them! just, be there with them! i want lots of days like today! the future looks bright and i think its from sunlight!
xoxo

August Already...

i cannot believe that July is gone and we are now into August... where is the summer going? i always felt like summer was short but now it feels really short! its like; as you get older, the summer loses days or something, like it is actually THAT much shorter! i miss the days as a kid where i would go camping with my family... friends... and have nothing to worry about other than getting stung by a bee! (lol) i miss the carefree days of summer as a kid! who doesn't really! for the last 8 years i have been camping once, and i wish i had gone every year... i love camping!!!!!!! who wants to go?

being alone...

i have been at home by myself all weekend, and Ive realized, that i don't mind being by myself! it gives me time to think and to write... i always think, "what if I'm alone forever?" so what right... what if?! i don't want to be a what if type of person! although i am, that wont change! i miss my roommate, and i miss her kids so much! they keep me so entertained and busy! i haven't been busy all weekend-and i love it! so when you are alone don't think what if its like this forever... think it wont be like this forever, and enjoy it!  :)

For those of you who don't know... this is the love of my life, the keeper of my heart, the roo to my pinder, my amazing, lovable, entertainer LUCY!!! so i guess 6 years ago i really realized that dog is "mans" best friend! i don't know what i would do without her! she is my babe, my love... it sounds funny to some people but she is my baby, i treat her like my little baby! i baby talk her, i carry her to bed at night, i give her a piece of chicken every time i eat chicken, well... any meat for that matter! when my ex and i broke up, i had to say good-bye to her... it was the hardest thing i ever had to do! my exes mom brought her to me while my ex gets back on his feet! so for now, she is with me! she cuddles me every night, and when it looks like I'm about to fall asleep, she gets up and goes to the bottom of my bed and sleeps between my legs! this used to be uncomfortable, but i learned to live with it, and now its just normal! she hogs my bed! and she always has to get all the attention! she has a lot of character to, she gives me attitude, she talks back, but i tell her how it is! all in all, i love my dog and i just wanted to share that with you!

-xoxo-

writers block

writers block... what is it? it is terrible, that's all i know! frustrating! when you want to write and you start to, but three or four sentences in, your scribbling it out or crumpling up the paper and throwing it away!! i always felt like writing should come so easy to a good writer! maybe I'm not a good writer! maybe i need to enhance my skills? who knows, i know that i love to write and to me, that's really all that counts! so, this week, I'm going to try to do some research on children's books, demographics, self-publishing and so on... try to learn about the things that will help me further myself in this area of  my life! we'll see! I'm gonna get down to it and take notes! if i could publish a children's book, i would be so happy!! my ultimate goal is to have a series... I'm not gonna get into detail, but maybe you will all see one day!

new to blogging

ya know... i always have so much to say on many topics, but when i open up my blog and get ready to type... nothing comes out! im new to blogging but im not new to thinking and writing! why is it so hard for me to take my thoughts out of my head and type them onto a screen! i was looking into how to make money blogging, and unless you have tons of visitors to your blog its not really worth it, not to mention i couldnt figure out what i was doing wrong trying to sign up for the advertising function but it wasnt working! i wonder what people want to read about?! soo if you have any suggestions on what you want to see me write about or opinionate on... please leave a comment telling me! thanks!!
-xoxo-