thanks for nothin...

it makes me mad when people who have been forgiven for serious mistakes made, cant forgive people themselves... or when people say they wont do something and then they go and do it! im not apologizing anymore, something that was supposed to make me happy, and it ended up just all thrown back in my face! im gonna live for me, concentrate on me... why am i trying to make people happy!? im not even happy...

birthday?

this is me, 27 years old... in less than a month i will be 28 years old! i have to say i am a little excited!! i like growing older, wiser.. happier! i learn new things about myself all the time, and i have been off work for a while so i have had a lot of time to be with myself!! now it seems like every time i have a birthday i look back on my childhood birthdays, at stardust... my house playing in the back yard... surrounded by family and friends, the way it should be! i do accept growing older but i am scared of whats to come... what if this... what if that... to see where i go and what i do and what decisions i will run into along my way, my way to growing older.. AND wiser! i feel like everyone should just thank their lucky stars they are alive and healthy and enjoying life and the ones they love! i know im trying to! another year older, another year wiser, just another year... no way!! its gonna be THE BEST year!! my biggest worry for this birthday is only should i eat cake or not!

so for the past few days i have been thinking more and more about family and friends... the ones i never get to see or never talk to! i always think about the "good old days" and the people i was surrounded by back then! i walk through life and i feel lost, no connection to anyone... there are few people who know me really well... and i would never trade those people for anything but, i miss the friends i used to know! i sometimes wonder what they are doing and what they are up to! i have a few of them on fb so its a little easier to see what they are up to now.. i shouldn't say easier because its really not that hard to pick up a phone, especially since my blackberry is constantly in my hands! my wish for now is that i can reconnect with some people i miss... and for those i cant be reconnected with, i miss you!!!

~Sunny Days~

today was a great day! we chilled all day... we sat in the sun, played with the hose, the kids had a water fight! it all brought me back to the day when i was young and carefree and playing outside until the sun went down! i used to love being outside, i used to be friends with all my neighbors... we all took turns playing in each others yards, what games to play and what have you! just the feeling of the sun hugging your body all over feels so good! i got burnt of coarse, I'm so fair skinned! eventually it will turn into a nice tan and look great, hopefully not blotchy (lol) today reminded me to be with the ones you love and have fun with them! just, be there with them! i want lots of days like today! the future looks bright and i think its from sunlight!
xoxo

August Already...

i cannot believe that July is gone and we are now into August... where is the summer going? i always felt like summer was short but now it feels really short! its like; as you get older, the summer loses days or something, like it is actually THAT much shorter! i miss the days as a kid where i would go camping with my family... friends... and have nothing to worry about other than getting stung by a bee! (lol) i miss the carefree days of summer as a kid! who doesn't really! for the last 8 years i have been camping once, and i wish i had gone every year... i love camping!!!!!!! who wants to go?

being alone...

i have been at home by myself all weekend, and Ive realized, that i don't mind being by myself! it gives me time to think and to write... i always think, "what if I'm alone forever?" so what right... what if?! i don't want to be a what if type of person! although i am, that wont change! i miss my roommate, and i miss her kids so much! they keep me so entertained and busy! i haven't been busy all weekend-and i love it! so when you are alone don't think what if its like this forever... think it wont be like this forever, and enjoy it!  :)