life...

so, for the last  few years, ive been depressed... trying to figure out my way through life, and it is not easy! ive been hurt, by someone i loved and trusted.. i have had to quit my job of 5 years, and now i dont know what to do! i have pain everyday, i want more time with my family, but i dont drive so... its hard to get around to see them! i miss my mom... i miss how my life used to be, im not too sure why... i feel so out of my element and its like im shrinking! why are people soo bitchy... why are people so selfish? why can i not figure out what it is i am missing in life? i just want to move far away from here... far far away!

whats this world coming to?

I'm not sure if anyone can really answer the question that I'm asking... but what is this world coming to? people are becoming scared to walk down the street, or to take a bus... people are scared to help other people when they are in trouble for fear of getting hurt or killed themselves! the death of Jamie Kehoe hit me hard for some reason! what a sad loss in our world... here's a guy who will stand up and do the right thing and gets the worst imaginable outcome... i feel for his family and friends and i hope something good comes out of this at least... i heard again this morning that a baby was found in the river... WHAT!!! who would do that to a baby?? my heart breaks and as our world grows, mine grows smaller... how can someone take another persons life? it blows my mind! i hope whoever it is that killed JAMIE KEHOE gets whats coming to him and the girl that was with him, if she doesn't turn up and say anything.... she'll get hers I'm sure! karma has a funny way of working out and it will get you in the end! so this blog is just to show my concern for the state of our world and to show my great appreciation for people like Jamie Kehoe!! RIP

thanks for nothin...

it makes me mad when people who have been forgiven for serious mistakes made, cant forgive people themselves... or when people say they wont do something and then they go and do it! im not apologizing anymore, something that was supposed to make me happy, and it ended up just all thrown back in my face! im gonna live for me, concentrate on me... why am i trying to make people happy!? im not even happy...

birthday?

this is me, 27 years old... in less than a month i will be 28 years old! i have to say i am a little excited!! i like growing older, wiser.. happier! i learn new things about myself all the time, and i have been off work for a while so i have had a lot of time to be with myself!! now it seems like every time i have a birthday i look back on my childhood birthdays, at stardust... my house playing in the back yard... surrounded by family and friends, the way it should be! i do accept growing older but i am scared of whats to come... what if this... what if that... to see where i go and what i do and what decisions i will run into along my way, my way to growing older.. AND wiser! i feel like everyone should just thank their lucky stars they are alive and healthy and enjoying life and the ones they love! i know im trying to! another year older, another year wiser, just another year... no way!! its gonna be THE BEST year!! my biggest worry for this birthday is only should i eat cake or not!

so for the past few days i have been thinking more and more about family and friends... the ones i never get to see or never talk to! i always think about the "good old days" and the people i was surrounded by back then! i walk through life and i feel lost, no connection to anyone... there are few people who know me really well... and i would never trade those people for anything but, i miss the friends i used to know! i sometimes wonder what they are doing and what they are up to! i have a few of them on fb so its a little easier to see what they are up to now.. i shouldn't say easier because its really not that hard to pick up a phone, especially since my blackberry is constantly in my hands! my wish for now is that i can reconnect with some people i miss... and for those i cant be reconnected with, i miss you!!!

~Sunny Days~

today was a great day! we chilled all day... we sat in the sun, played with the hose, the kids had a water fight! it all brought me back to the day when i was young and carefree and playing outside until the sun went down! i used to love being outside, i used to be friends with all my neighbors... we all took turns playing in each others yards, what games to play and what have you! just the feeling of the sun hugging your body all over feels so good! i got burnt of coarse, I'm so fair skinned! eventually it will turn into a nice tan and look great, hopefully not blotchy (lol) today reminded me to be with the ones you love and have fun with them! just, be there with them! i want lots of days like today! the future looks bright and i think its from sunlight!
xoxo

August Already...

i cannot believe that July is gone and we are now into August... where is the summer going? i always felt like summer was short but now it feels really short! its like; as you get older, the summer loses days or something, like it is actually THAT much shorter! i miss the days as a kid where i would go camping with my family... friends... and have nothing to worry about other than getting stung by a bee! (lol) i miss the carefree days of summer as a kid! who doesn't really! for the last 8 years i have been camping once, and i wish i had gone every year... i love camping!!!!!!! who wants to go?

being alone...

i have been at home by myself all weekend, and Ive realized, that i don't mind being by myself! it gives me time to think and to write... i always think, "what if I'm alone forever?" so what right... what if?! i don't want to be a what if type of person! although i am, that wont change! i miss my roommate, and i miss her kids so much! they keep me so entertained and busy! i haven't been busy all weekend-and i love it! so when you are alone don't think what if its like this forever... think it wont be like this forever, and enjoy it!  :)

For those of you who don't know... this is the love of my life, the keeper of my heart, the roo to my pinder, my amazing, lovable, entertainer LUCY!!! so i guess 6 years ago i really realized that dog is "mans" best friend! i don't know what i would do without her! she is my babe, my love... it sounds funny to some people but she is my baby, i treat her like my little baby! i baby talk her, i carry her to bed at night, i give her a piece of chicken every time i eat chicken, well... any meat for that matter! when my ex and i broke up, i had to say good-bye to her... it was the hardest thing i ever had to do! my exes mom brought her to me while my ex gets back on his feet! so for now, she is with me! she cuddles me every night, and when it looks like I'm about to fall asleep, she gets up and goes to the bottom of my bed and sleeps between my legs! this used to be uncomfortable, but i learned to live with it, and now its just normal! she hogs my bed! and she always has to get all the attention! she has a lot of character to, she gives me attitude, she talks back, but i tell her how it is! all in all, i love my dog and i just wanted to share that with you!

-xoxo-

writers block

writers block... what is it? it is terrible, that's all i know! frustrating! when you want to write and you start to, but three or four sentences in, your scribbling it out or crumpling up the paper and throwing it away!! i always felt like writing should come so easy to a good writer! maybe I'm not a good writer! maybe i need to enhance my skills? who knows, i know that i love to write and to me, that's really all that counts! so, this week, I'm going to try to do some research on children's books, demographics, self-publishing and so on... try to learn about the things that will help me further myself in this area of  my life! we'll see! I'm gonna get down to it and take notes! if i could publish a children's book, i would be so happy!! my ultimate goal is to have a series... I'm not gonna get into detail, but maybe you will all see one day!

new to blogging

ya know... i always have so much to say on many topics, but when i open up my blog and get ready to type... nothing comes out! im new to blogging but im not new to thinking and writing! why is it so hard for me to take my thoughts out of my head and type them onto a screen! i was looking into how to make money blogging, and unless you have tons of visitors to your blog its not really worth it, not to mention i couldnt figure out what i was doing wrong trying to sign up for the advertising function but it wasnt working! i wonder what people want to read about?! soo if you have any suggestions on what you want to see me write about or opinionate on... please leave a comment telling me! thanks!!
-xoxo-

*YOU*

i love you!

i think about you

all the time.

i need you!

i crave your kisses

at ten past nine!

i want you!

to feel your touch

your body upon mine.

i miss you!

i suffer from heartbreak

im sure its a sign!

~i miss you~

my heart, my mind, my soul is lost

so many decisions at such a high cost

staring up at a lonely star in the sky

asking the repeated question of why?

why are you so far away

way up high past the milky way

up in heaven dreaming of peace

stolen from us by an awful disease

cancer is the disease's name

it came on strong, with no shame

it feeds upon those that we love

feeling its something to be afraid of

knowing that you have to say good-bye

friends and family will start to cry

leaving your body and loved ones behind

feeling as though you are going blind

you were taken from us and we are mad

but mostly i miss you, and i am so sad!

**my Lucy**

about me... in detail!

my name is Angie Marie Brenner... my birthday is September 13th which means im a Virgo! thats right, Virgo-the purest of hearts! i grew up in North Delta BC, which is (to me) the best place to grow up! i lived in the same house the first 20 years of my life... i have a mom, dad and three older brothers! i used to think of myself as weird, but now i think of myself as unique... different... and thats just fine with me! my best friend is Alana! she is my rock... we have known each other since we were four but became best friends at the tender age of thirteen... my first concert was with her and every concert since has been with her! she is my sounding board, the good angel on my right shoulder! her family is like my second family! my three brothers also have significant others... whom i can freely call my sisters... growing up with brothers was hard, all i ever wanted was a sister and now i am blessed to have many! my parents divorced when i was eleven (first tough moment of my life) they are both remarried and happy so i guess it didnt turn out that bad! i used to blame all my issues and problems on being the product of a broken home, but now i know its just who i am! i feel like my parents failed marriage is responsible for shaping my beliefs of today... not in a bad way, for example... i never want to allow myself to go through what my mom went through, not saying my dad is a bad guy-he just wasnt the husband for her... and it took her too long to realize it! i have made myself believe that if i were ever in a relationship that was no good for me, i would put an end to it, life is too short to be unhappy! although i feel this is what i would do, i did stay in a failing relationship for a few too many years! i loved him (very much) but when it came down to it, i wasnt happy... so last year (2010) i left that relationship to be on my own! it was one of the hardest things i ever had to do! from this relationship came a dog, a pug, named Lucy! she is my baby, and i love her soooo fricken much! anyways, i am currently in a relationship with a great guy who treats me how i always wanted to be treated! back to my childhood... i grew up wishing my brothers would accept me and play with me but being the only girl and the youngest... i was left out quite often! so from this my imagination grew and i didnt ever need someone to entertain me, i was good at playing by myself! music has always been a big part of my life... the first group i remember liking were the new kids on the block... micheal jackson and paula abdual... i can always find a song that i feel relates to my life! but back to the subject of me! i grew up yearning for my dad to pay attention to me, being the only girl, i always wanted to be daddies little princess... needless to say i never was! after my parents divorce i butted heads with my mom a lot... maybe cause i blamed her for my dad leaving, maybe cause we are so much alike... when i was about 16 my mom wrote me a letter explaining her feelings and all of the sudden it clicked... my mom wasnt some powerful person who was never affected by anything... she was a woman, trying to raise four teenagers... she herself was scared and fighting to stay close with her kids! i dont blame her for decisions she made and i appreciate the life she gave me... without her, who knows where i would be! my dad and mom both got remarried while i was in junior high... which was tough! my oldest brother also got married while i was in junior high! i couldnt have been happier for my brother but i resented my parents for moving on when i still felt so hurt by the split! my brothers wife was the first "sister" i had! she was 16 when they started dating and i was 11... her friend actually gave me my first puff of a cigarette! i used to stay up late and hang out with them, walk to the store when it was dark! she made me feel like i was actually a part of my brothers life! another one of my brothers got married and i feel close to his wife as well! both of these women i feel like i can be myself and tell them anything! my other brother isnt married yet, but i hope he does it soon :) i have always loved animals! i grew up with lots of them! i went through a few dogs, a few cats and a lot of other types of animals who lived in my house! i think thats all im gonna say for right now! stay tuned for more blogs about me, music, movies, animals and just plain old life!
xoxo

my very first post...

this is the first time i will be writing on here... i will be telling you about me, my life, my friends, my family, my dog, my boyfriend and anything else that crosses paths with my mind! im excited to be doing this... ive wanted to be a writer for as long as i can remember! one day i would love to write childrens books! i currently have four nieces and one nephew who i think i am going to base my books on! so this is just a little bit about me, ill add more when it comes to me!
xoxo